If Today Was Your Last Day
by StarSlingerSnitch
Summary: Before the romance the 74th Hunger Games brought with Katniss and Peeta, there was another couple similar to them. Welcome to the 62nd Hunger Games. But this time, a romance from two different districts. How do they make it through the Games-if they make it through-battling not only for their lives, but also for their love?
1. First Day

It all started with one glance. When my life really began, when my life really started, even though it was so close to the end. When I saw him on TV for the first time, I knew there was something different about him. For one, he was expressionless, compared to the either enthusiastic Careers or petrified tributes. He knew how to make his face a mask. Like me. He hid his emotions well, but I could see through them.

It really began during training. When my life, so close to ending, really snapped everything into perspective. What was really important.

He goes to the edible plants station. Being from District 7, I see how he passes the test with flying colors. I'm not very good at that kind of stuff. I'm more electronically advanced, being District 6 and all. I creep towards him, wanting to at least know his name, when his fellow tribute walks up. She looks like one of those typical spoiled girls with a stroke of bad luck.

"I think we should make an alliance with them," She whispers, pointing to the District 2 tributes. At first he doesn't even mind her. But when she taps his shoulder incessantly, he yawns and glances backwards. He scoffs at her.

"I told you, I'm not making an alliance with anybody. I'll be fine on my own. If you want to, fine, but it won't be my fault if they backstab you ten seconds into the Games." He turns back to his test and she stands there, shocked. Probably used to getting everything she wants, a turn down, especially form a boy, throws her off.

"But I thought you wanted to win!" She exclaims. He merely shrugs.

"I do, but I don't need you. You need me. Now go find someone else to hook up with, 'cause it sure as heck won't be me." She stomps off and I suppress a smile. It's funny how we are all in this dire situation, knowing we will probably die, but he is strong. He doesn't want help. All he needs is himself and that's who he relies on for everything. He wants to win. Kind of like me. There's no one that can ever help me enough except me.

"Wow, you're almost as good at that test as a Career," I say. He looks back at me, maybe wondering how long I've been there or why I would even want to talk to him.

"Hmm…" He takes in my appearance. "Dirty blond hair, smudged fingertips, pale skin- District 6 right?"

"How'd you guess?" I ask, rolling my eyes. He looks me up and down once more.

"It's not hard to tell. You all look alike."

"Oh, so it's a stereotype now? Okay hotshot, let me try you." I gaze at him, happy with an excuse to look at him that much longer.

"Coca skin, dark brown hair, unusually long arms- District 7. No doubt." The barest hint of a smile crosses his face.

"Now that was uncalled for. My arms are actually short for my generation."

"Oh, my bad. I thought that it would be nicer to draw attention away from your non-existent brain cells to your more physical flaws." Okay, so that might've been a little far. His eyebrows rose up in surprise, probably thinking I was stupid for even coming to talk to him and his 5'10 frame. And actually, I probably was.

"I have flaws?" He inquires mildly. I flip one blond pigtail behind me.

"Uh, yeah. Doesn't everyone?" I ask. He gives me an unexpected grin, which makes him even more attractive than his brooding face. It's strange, I hadn't seen him smile before. Well, we haven't had much to be happy about anyway.

"Well, I can't seem to pinpoint any on you," He says. Okay then. That was unexpected.

"Oh shucks, I'm blushing. That's a good way to make alliances. Flattery gets you far."

"Not with me, it doesn't." I decide I like him even more now. It's been awhile since someone has come back so fast after being on the edge of my remarks.

"Okay, then let me try. I saw your costume last night. Your paper hats made you…your head look bigger than it really is." I bite my lip. "Ops. That wasn't a compliment. But still, that's not always a bad thing."

"Now now, there's no need to insult the stylist's hard work," He says smoothly. I look at him disbelievingly.

"Really?" I cross my arms across my chest. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Thane, the boy tribute from my district, watching us. He's practicing sparring, which he's not very good at. He's kind of a wimp, so I tried to avoid making an alliance with him even though we both represent District 6.

"I'll be…honest with you." I give my attention back to him.

"Try me." I respond. This ought to be good.

"The color gold that was your costume last night? It's defiantly not your color." Excuse me? That was surprising. He did not just go there. Of course, I usually don't care what I'm wearing, as long as it's comfortable. Well I can keep up with this guy. He can't beat me.

"I got a question for you then."

"Let's hear it," he says with a sigh.

"Are you really a tough guy or do you just pretend to be for the cameras, the sponsors, and the whole world? Do you, like, practice in front of a mirror?" I got him there. I bet, intimidating as he is, no one has ever asked him that and he can't believe a little girl of five feet or so did just ask him. He stands there, this little smirk on his face. I feel it's time to formally exchange names.

"I'm Camisa." I lean in a little. He looks down.

"You can call me Zane." I reach out my hand to shake his. He-almost hesitantly, it seems-puts out his and grasps mine.

When our hands touch, I swear I feel a tingle of electricity-a spark, you could say. It's a wonderful feeling and I almost gasp with pleasure. But I hold it in. I don't want him to think even more poorly of me than I think he already does.

He lets go all too soon. I make a sound that is something between a groan and a sigh.

"Did I hurt you?" He asks immediately, yet with that same smirk on. I don't want him to think that I'm weak, cause actually I'm not. I'm fast. Not strong, but fast.

"Yep. Your laser eyes really got me there." Zane inclines his head towards me.

"Are you always this…sarcastic?" It sounds like he's genuinely interested.

"Uh, you could say that. You think I could play it up in an interview the same way you'll put on the whole brooding-bad boy show?"

"I think you could work it to your advantage. I'm surprised you haven't got half the guys following you around already." I roll my eyes.

"There you are again with the flattery. You know, if you want an alliance that bad, you can just say so." He pushes back some of his dark hair.

"Okay then. Do you want to have an alliance?" Okay, I did not actually expect him to ask for an alliance.

"Hmm, sure. But first I need to know your strengths. You know, so you can help me and I can then stab you in the back and win."

"You really have a way to deal with the tangible reality, don't you?"

"It's a gift." I shrug. It turns out Zane's really strong, which could help since I'm fast. He knows how to throw a knife, a spear, an axe, and then obviously the plant test. He doesn't believe me when I say I know how to work all the guns and make snares. You'd think it weird, that living in District 6 that one would know how to make snares, but my older brother had taught me when he had to travel to District 12 on business, even though he's only nineteen.

A sob threatens to let out as I think of Fraze. Mom and dad. Annikia. No, think of something else, something else. I need to keep my emotions hidden, so no one can use them against me. Back to training. Back to…him. He shows me how to tie a knot. I give him pointers on the best way to climb trees. I realize I'm also skilled at camouflage, despite the fact that I hate drawing.

I also realize that with each passing minute, I'm falling more in love with Zane.


	2. Zane's Story

The second day of training passes so quickly. It's sad-I am having the time of my life when I have so little of it left to live. This is so wrong. I'm letting him in when I should be focused on killing him. But I can't make myself even think about hurting him. It's unbearable to even think that in a couple days, we will be in the arena-certain death. So I don't think.

We talk more and sit at our own table, much to the displeasure of both our other tributes. They just glare at us, as though mad for smiling and laughing. His cracks keep up with my witty remarks, and his slight emotions control my hot-headed attitude. We are so different, one who shuts everything down and one who lets emotions get the better of them.

Everyone looks at us strange, two different tributes traveling around the training room, completely oblivious to everything going on around them. We banter and try to one-up each other at every station. It seems like we've been the best of friends, like he already knows me so well. And yet, I've known him for about a day. It's like love at first sight. With him, I've never felt this way before. But I like this feeling. I love the way it makes me feel. Just with him, I feel…happier than I have ever felt. I didn't want this day to end-and it wasn't just cause I would be this much closer to dying.

The way I feel around him…it's so strange. I had never had any interest in boys like that, just if they could build a train car faster than me or if they could make an engine before me. Now with him, it's a different world-he gives me a new outlook on everything. I look at something and point it out, and he gives his opinion and now I can never look at it the same way again.

"So what's your room like?" he asks at lunch. I shrug.

"Oh, you know, so elaborate and fancy that I can't move without fear of not seeing velvet and satin. You?  
"Did that sentence even make sense?" he says slyly. I scowl at him.

"Just answer it, Z. besides, why does everything I say have to be contradicted by you?"

"Because you're the only one who calls me Z."

That's surprising. "Really? I would've thought that would be a go-to nickname."

"Nope, you're the first and probably the last one to call me that." I look down at my half-full plate, as the true meaning of his words sink in. That I had just met him and we were going to die. That we had almost no time left to be like this. That I already knew him better than people who had known him his whole life. That we were connected…and it had to stop. That we were going to die and we couldn't do anything about it.

"I'm sorry. I just ruined your meal, didn't I?" I look up to see him staring at me with concern, a slight smile playing the corners of his mouth. I tilt my head to the side and give a sweet smile.

"No, I was done already. How could anyone have an appetite looking at you anyways?" I say, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear. He raises his eyebrows.

"Of course. I for one could not eat for I was so entranced by your beauty." Why did he have to be like this? One minute he was a sarcastic carefree boy and the next is a soulful poet of a guy.

"Oh, ha-ha," I say in a bored tone. "Enough with the personality switches." He looks mildly surprised.

"I have personalitly switches?" Zane asks.

"Of course. On one hand, you can act like this tortured-bad boy, and the other side is you can be a smooth-talking poet."

"I act like a tortured-bad boy?"

"Yes. You do. You're all tough and everything, but I can see that there's something else. Something hidden. What is it?" He looks at me, with those dark, dark eyes and I feel a tingle go down my spine. I can't breathe. He took all the oxygen out of the room, out of my very lungs.

_Come on Camisa, get it together. He's just a guy. You've had guy friends before. Guys are not supposed to make you feel this way. You need to be tough, like a rock._

"Cami, if I tell you something, something I've never told anyone, you won't tell?" it's amazing that he trusts me so much.

"First of all, Z, who would I tell?" I say, trying to make light of the situation. It doesn't seem to be working.

"I know, but promise me Cami. Promise." He's looking at me intently, and I nod, curious to as what he's got to say. He gives a sigh and looks down at his hands.

"I had a sister. Her name was Verdie. I loved her more than anything." At this point he looks up and it's like he's about to say something, but then he lowers his head again. But the unspoken words hover there between us. _Except you. _

"But she was very…outspoken, for a girl of eight. And one day…she said something. Something bad. She…she defied the capital. In front of the Peacekeepers." My hand is over my mouth in horror. It's awful, it's an awful story. It seems like it shouldn't be real.

"She was eight. She didn't know any better. How was she supposed to? She was so young, so innocent…I always warned her to watch what she said. Why didn't she listen? Why?" His voice had grown steadily louder and he slammed a hand down on the table. Other tributes near us look over. I put my hand on top of his. He doesn't pull away.

"Z, shhh. It's…well not okay, but you can't let the other tributes see you like this. Shhh, please. I'm here. I'm sorry." Zane raises his eyes to meet mine. In them, I see endless pain, anger, and…a flicker of something else. But I can't read what it is before he looks down again.

"So they took her. She was eight, and they took her from her family, the only life she's known…and I don't know what happened to her."

"You mean, she's not…?" I can't bring myself to say the word. But he knows. Zane shakes his head.

"I don't know. They came that night, and snatched her from us. She was crying and screaming…I tried to protect her, we all did, even the dog, but we couldn't. it's better knowing, you know? I don't know if she's even alive, or a prisoner, or an Avox…I just want to know what happened to her. At least then, I can sleep easier." I swallow. It's so terrible. I fell my heart go out to him even more now.

"Zane…I'm so sorry. It is, better knowing. At least than you know that Veride could be watching over you." He wipes his forehead and when I look up, his mask is on once again. For that one minute, I got to see his true face, his true being. How he was without the mask. And that was more alluring than him hidden in the gray shadows.

"Thanks Cami, but it's over now. Nothing we can do." He sniffs softly, the last reminder that there was something beneath all that bitterness.

"There is one thing I can do." He looks up.

"Yeah? What?" He asks. I try to grin, fail, and settle for a coy smile. I'm still not over that whole story yet.

"I can make you feel better by letting you win when we practice climbing the rock wall."

"Hey! You do not let me win anything! I wanted to make you feel good that you beat me! I mean, you're a girl! I want to help your self-esteem." Oh, he just crossed that line and he knows it.

"So it's because I'm a girl now that you let me win stuff? Is that it?" I place my hands on my hips and stare him down. He looks back unflinching.

"Yeah, that's it." I raise an eyebrow.

"Okay Z, let's go. I can prove to you that even though I am a girl-duh!-I can still beat you. After all, you plant trees and I make engines. Which sounds girlier there, huh?" his face tinges pink.

"I don't just plant trees! I do lots of other things, like-"

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Come on. I want to see your face if I beat you." As we walk out of the lunch room, I see the other tributes eyeing us. They seem surprised that we are so close. Some exchange sly glances. I know that they are thinking of ways to work it to their advantage.

Suddenly I am hit with a thought. They might use one of us against the other. I know that I would try to protect him to the best of my abilities, but would he do the same for me?

I look at him sideways and don't notice that he was looking at me like that a second ago, with piercing eyes.


	3. Little Moments

The last day of training. We have the individual sessions, then the interviews. A day of nothing. This is what will help the crowd determine who has the best chance of winning and in turn, who to give money too. This is it.

Zane and I go over our strongest points during training. I try to pay attention to my weakest points and correct them. He assists me and I help him strengthen his own. But there's something off with me, and he can tell. It's the severity of the situation that he already knows me better than people who have known me my whole life and can read me like a book.

"Alright, out with it," He says after we'd finished climbing the rock wall for the third time. I glance at him innocently.

Out with what?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"You've beaten me three times and are trying to help me instead of rubbing it in my face. There's defiantly something wrong with you." I laugh and four tributes close to us turn their heads and glare at us disapprovingly, like we're not allowed to laugh. Okay, maybe we aren't since it's so depressing and cruel. He inclines his head.

"Okay, fine. Well, last night at dinner, Thane was telling Micah and Faro about how…close we are. They didn't like it. They said that I should be bonding instead with Thane, because this 'friendship' isn't going to last forever. I wanted to bond with Thane. Please! Like anyone would want to anyway." I add. He nods his head as we walk to the camouflage station.

"And what did you say?" I roll my eyes.

"What do you think I said? I said I can pick who I want, thank you very much. After all, you're just training me to kill Thane in the first place." He chuckles.

"I can imagine how they took that."

"I know, right? But I'm just afraid that because of that, they'll get me no sponsors. And that could be bad."

"Yeah, it could. But don't worry. I'll share mine with you." He winks.

"Thanks. But you know, they are right in some ways. As much as it pains me to admit it." I look over at him.

"Oh?" Is all he says. I sigh.

"Yes, because they're right. Even though this isn't a 'friendship' "-I use my hands to put quotation marks in the air- "it can't last forever-at least through the games. Sooner or later, we'll have to accept that."

"What if we don't accept that?" He asks softly. "What if we don't?"

"Z, I know it's hard. But only one of us is coming out alive. And I'll try to the best of my abilities to make sure it's you." He looks over at me, a smile playing on his lips.

"Unless I protect you first."

"Oh, so since I'm a girl, I automatically need protecting?" I ask. _Better answer this carefully, Zane._

"No, it's not that. It's just…I care about you and want to keep you safe." He says it all without looking at me. My heart flutters. He cares about me? In a friend way or another way? This must be what love feels like, when he says something like that and I take it in the more romantic way, that even when he's not facing me, I know what his face looks like and my heart is sputtering.

"Well, thanks for the offer, but I think you need to worry about keeping up with me." I break away suddenly and dash towards the knife-throwing station. He runs after me while other tributes look at us in disgust. I really hope they won't use our…our…not love, but more like…friendship against us. I would save him in as heartbeat, but would he do the same for me?

I shake off these thoughts and mentally prepare myself for the sessions with the Gamemakers that will surly earn me a few headaches.

It came way too fast. It's here already. My private session with the Gamemakers. I have no idea what to do. I had been too preoccupied with Zane's announcement that he cares for me. _Think, think, think! What can you do? _Then I remember. The overhead hangings. They are made of leather and metal, made to test your climbing abilities. I can do that. I can climb fast and long. I can do that.

They have already called up to District 4. I'm so close. I shift closer to Zane.

"Have any idea what you're going to do?' I ask. He shrugs.

"Probably do something with a spear or something. You know, show them how strong and macho I am with great aim to boot." I roll my eyes.

"Oh yes, extremely strong and macho. You have all the other tributes scared to death. Even I'm afraid to be sitting this close to you." His eyes light up.

"Really?" I snort.

"Of course not. You don't scare me." He moves closer to me and puts his arm around my shoulders. I inhale sharply, but softly. He's touching me. He's touching _me. _It feels amazing. All my nerves on super sensitive, just the fact he's touching me is making them tingle. It feels wonderful.

"Well, you scare me." He whispers softly. I turn to look at him and find him smirking at me, with eyes full of mischief and something else I can't identify. He's too close to me, our noses almost touching. If I lean in a little more, something else could happen. I lean closer, closer-

"Camisa Heyday." An automated voice calls me. I swear silently in my head, but then put my mask on. I let Z distract me. Stop it. Forget him. _But I can't._ Forget. Be expressionless once more. Breathe.

I get up and start to walk towards the door.

"Cami?" I look back. Zane gives a small smile.

"Don't stun them too much, okay? I want them to still be impressed when my turn comes." I shake my head.

"Whatever you say," I say. I turn and continue walking. I open the door and walk into the training center. The door closes behind me.

I'm nervous, my breath coming in short gasps, but I am good at concealing my emotions. I walk over to the starting point of the obstacle course in on the ceiling. I look back towards the Gamemakers. They are talking and laughing, drinking and sharing food. I clear my throat.

"Camisa Heyday." I say, loudly and clearly. They turn their heads to look at me and one gestures for me to begin. I muster a tight smile and start to climb. I reach the top quickly; it didn't even take half a minute. Once there, I look at the Gamemakers out of the corner of my eye. They seem mildly interested, slowly sipping their drinks.

I take a deep breath and swing forward. I easily grab the leather handles and swing from one to the next, going fast and completing the first ladder in record time with no slipups. The next one, I wasn't so lucky. My hand missed by a fraction of an inch and I wobble slightly. I think they notice but I don't do anything to draw attention to it and finish flawlessly.

The air is rushing in my ears and blowing my pigtails behind me. I go faster and faster, my stomach dropping every time I almost miss and I swallow hard a lot. I forget that I'm being watched, forget I'm so close to dying, forget that this determines my fate. I concentrate on swaying from one handle to the other and nothing else.

Finally I reach the end and swing back and forth slowly, then faster and gain momentum. I let go suddenly and fall towards the floor. At the last second I curve into a ball and do a flip and land, sticking the landing. My stomach swoops inside me then settles back down. My arms are stretched above my head and my back is arched and straight.

I breathe in and out deeply, relieved it's over and I can't do anything to change it now.

The Gamemakers are looking at me, some raising their eyebrows slightly, some opening their mouths wide, and some who had just turned to see if I had started yet. I narrow my eyes slightly at the latter, resentful because here I was trying to survive and they could care less about my existence. In fact, some even yawned while others actually looked impressed. I admit I like the ones who even nodded at me, as it made me feel like they cared.

Of course, it was just a whole façade. They didn't care. They just wanted to see me jump through their hoops and entertain them, to obey whatever they wanted.

As I am a very outspoken and emotional person, it takes all my willpower to keep me from saying some things about what I thought about them that I would regret later. I take deep breathes, in and out, controlling my snappy comebacks.

_Please, please dismiss me now. Before I yell at you. Before I do something I'll regret. Please, hurry up._

One clears his throat and looks down at the piece of paper on the table.

"Thank you, Camisa. That was…quite entertaining." Exactly the word I had used to describe them seconds before. Did I know them or what?

"We have lots to talk about." I muster a strained smile then turn and walk out of the

room, all the while wondering what Z's doing and if my score will be better than his and

barely noticing them pointing at me and conversing in low tones.


	4. The Revealing

**Author's Note: I normally don't leave author's notes, but I felt for this one I had too. I am not going to write my characters according to the actual Hunger Games, because I don't think we find out District 6 and 7's scores. I don't think the mention the victors for 6 and 7, or the other tributes for 6 and 7 so I'm doing my own. I will also not do their deaths according to the actual book. Sorry for any inconvenience. Please enjoy. **

I stare blankly at the TV, waiting to see what the training scores are. Thane sits to my right, a little too close than what I would've preferred otherwise. Faro is on my left, examining the wineglass closely, probably wondering if possibly he could sneak it back to District 6.

Back home.

Micah smiles at us and claps her hands together.

"Oh, this is so exciting! I hope you two will shine very brightly. I'm sure you followed our instructions, yes?" She asks, looking specifically at me. I shrug; at least that means I'm listening. She sighs.

"Look, Camisa, trust us. We've been doing this for quite some time and know exactly what to look for and what to do." She flashes another blinding smile, the whiteness of her teeth clashing slightly with the off-white accents on her turquoise dress. I nod dejectedly.

"Yeah, yeah, sure. Whatever." Micah frowns. Faro pauses in his examination to look at us, his gray hair coming out of the small ponytail he keeps it in.

"Now, now, Cami. No need to be surly." I allow a smile to grace my lips; at least he used my nickname.

"Why don't you have a cup of tea? It will surely calm down those nerves." He motions to the cup in front of me. Faro is a bit of a tea snob. He's obsessed with tea. But at least he spends all his money on tea instead of drugs or alcohol like most of the other outer lying districts.

"No thanks," I snap at him. Thane and Micah look at me in surprise, while Faro just smiles and turns back to the porcelain teapot that he is now interested in since the wineglass bored him after awhile.

"Camisa-" Micah begins but Thane cuts her off.

"It's just Cami," He corrects then gives me a coy smile. I roll my eyes.

"I can take care of myself, thanks. I don't need to be rescued. You can just go and be someone else's knight in shining armor." He flushes.

"I'm just trying to be nice. Besides, you don't mind when that District 7 hunk is helping you."

"Oh, so you noticed someone else other than you? Congratulations. We have a winner, folks." Thane narrows his eyes.

"He's gonna turn on you, Cami. You know that. So why don't you just form an alliance with me? At least then if you die and I win, your family will be taken care of. You'd rather that then…what's his name? Z? Having all the glory." So he's been paying attention more than I thought. That cannot be good.

"It's _Zane_,"I emphasize through clenched teeth. "It's pretty close to Thane actually, but Zane has an actual chance."

"I think I have a pretty good chance actually, thanks to them." He gestures to Micah and Faro and is rewarded with a smile from Micah. "But you didn't answer my question. Would you rather him get everything instead of me winning and our families and friends surviving better?" _I don't know. I don't know! Why don't I know? I love everyone back home, but if Zane wins…at least I would know he'll be okay. Which would I chose? Which would I rather? I'd rather be anywhere else than here, having to answer this question which I don't know the answer too._

I bite my lip as I feel tears start to well inside me. I won't give Thane, Micah, anyone the satisfaction of seeing me break down or see that they got through my defenses. I turn my back on him and recoil when he tries to touch me.

"Don't…touch me." I growl at him. He looks shocked for a moment, but as he shakes his blond hair away from his eyes, he gets a mischievous smile.

"Okay, I won't touch you…" He lunges forward and kisses me, right on the couch. My eyes open wide with surprise and my hands come up to shove him off but he holds the back of my neck hard and close. I manage to get free by elbowing him in the chest. He releases me and I stagger backwards into a chair.

"What the heck was that?!" I yell at him. He merely smiles, straightening his shirt. Meanwhile, Micah just sits there and grins at us. I glare at Thane. His shoulders sag a bit.

"Oh, you didn't like that? Maybe you would've liked it better if Zane kissed you instead." He says bitterly. I feel the heat rush to my cheeks since I had been daydreaming about that back I tighten my fists and retort

"Was that your first kiss? Having to force someone to kiss you back? Are you really that unappealing?" His eyes cloud over and he starts towards me but Faro gets up and blocks him.

"Thane, Thane. Haven't you learned? Forcing yourself upon a woman does nothing. How about a cup of tea?" He guides Thane back to the couch as the training scores start. I don't listen, still fuming over Thane's 'move' when I hear my name.

"Camisa Heyday, form District 6, with a score of…" Claudius Templesmith looks down at his paper "an outstanding score of 8! From an outlying district! Well done." I gasp, not expecting an 8! Most people from District 6 get, well, a 6. "And now for Thane Thisbe, a score of…5." Hence my point. I turn and look triumphantly at Thane, smirking. His expression is sour.

"From District 7, Decca Lorislyns with a score of 6."

"Wow, a girl got better than you. Surprise, surprise," I say to Thane. His eyes narrow.

"Well, some other guys did worse than me." He defends himself.

"Who? Will it be someone from District 10? 11? Is that an accomplishment?" I ask in a bored tone. He makes to answer but I shush him, wanting to hear Z's score.

"And Zane Kilns, who has scored a…8 as well. Jolly good." Claudius makes to say the next scores but I tune him out. In a way, I am disappointed. Now I can't brag to Zane about how I did better than him.

"So I saw you got an 8 in training," Z whispers to me. I turn to smile at him. We are waiting to go out for our interviews and are backstage. They haven't started yet, but I'm already nervous. What if they don't appreciate my sarcasm? My outbursts? I don't particularly like being the center of attention, onstage.

"Yeah. See you did too. Guess we're even." He smiles slightly.

"How did Thane take it? What was his? A 6?"

"You're being too generous," I scold him. "It was a 5."

"Oh, so that's why he glared daggers at us when you guys came in."

"Well…that was only part of it." I hesitated, not sure I wanted to tell him about our kiss after what he said yesterday. I plunged on ahead anyway.

"He was also upset cause when he kissed me, I didn't kiss him back." I watch Z closely, noticing his knuckles tighten slightly and his voice is strained but mild as he asks

"Kissed?" He inquires. I nod.

"It's a long story. But I want you to know that I don't have feelings for him. Not even close to the ones I have f…" I trail off and Z's eyes dim. I thought I saw something in them…hope maybe?

"The ones…?" He urges. I shake my head.

"Nope, I'm not saying anything." He rolls his eyes.

"Of course not. By the way, you look really beautiful tonight. I mean, I see these other girls who think they've got it all, and then I saw you, and…well, they can't even compare."

"Stop that," I laugh blushing. For someone who was so used to concealing his feelings, he was great at dishing compliments. I have to admit though, that I feel actually…pretty in my outfit. It is a bright, hot pink, short, strapless dress with ruffles at the bottom. It's defiantly not something I would voluntarily wear. The black heels make me feel like I might fall on my face any second and my dirty blond hair is straightened and styled so it rests perfectly on my shoulders. Completing it is a pink, jewel-encrusted, fake flower tucked behind my ear.

"Thanks anyway. You look rather…" I pause, looking for the right word. "Dashing, I should say." He looks self-consciously down at his light, forest-colored jacket and dark brown pants. The shirt underneath is cream colored and they brushed his dark bangs back, giving the world a full view of his face. The biggest surprise was the sparkling cluster of lilacs pinned to his jacket. It seems to be made of diamonds and silver and glistens every time he moves. I point to it.

"Where's that from?" He looks away from me.

"Verdie," He says so quietly, I begin to think I didn't even hear him. But I did.

I pat his arm sympathetically. He wraps his arm around my shoulders ad squeezes me tightly. I feel bad for him. The token he chose was something that had so much meaning from someone gone so long. It's heartbreaking.

I hate seeing him in pain. I realize. I hate whenever he's not completely content. I want him to be happy all the time, and if he's not, it's awful. It's my fault.

"Hey, Z." I wait until he looks at me. "You're ruining my hair." I say, trying to lighten the mood. For a moment he looks at me disbelievingly. Then he bursts into laughter.

"I'm ruining your _hair_? Oh, this is too rich!" He makes out through peals of laughter. The other tributes look at him coldly. He doesn't seem to notice, so I stare at him coolly.

"Yes. The stylists worked hard. Now shut up; they're about to start." He stops at once.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. But your hair…and your face when you said it…" He laughs quietly. I nudge him in the ribs then get in my assigned place in the line. Thane is behind me, glancing me up and down every few seconds; like I have no idea what _that's _about. Then Z's tribute partner-Delilah or whatever is behind him, so I can't exactly talk to Z.

I glance at her. Her dress matches Z's; it's a light green with cream colored trim and her hair is in an elegant twist at the nape of her neck.

I look at all the other girls, actually, and see how beautiful they look. Better-looking then me, anyway. But then I remember what Z said and my heart lifts. I imagine and relive that moment over and over until I hear my name called. I swallow hard and look back at Z. he gives a slight smile and winks at me. I smile back at him and walk out onstage to the blinding lights where Claudius awaits.

"Welcome Camisa," He says to me. I take the hand he offers me as I sit down.

"Actually, it's Cami," I correct him. He looks taken aback but then regains himself.

"Cami it is then. So, Cami, you being from an outlying district and getting a higher score, how does that feel? Oh, God. What to say, what to say?

"Well, it feels really good, obviously. I mean, usually people from District Six get, well, a 6." I shrug. The crowd laughs and that eases me a little bit. I lean back in the fluffy chair.

"I can see it feels good. And what was that certain spectacular thing you did to achieve that score?" I rub my lips together.

"Um, I don't think I can say. Sorry." The crowd boos. "Don't get me wrong, I'd love to tell you, but it's like an unspoken rule or something." I add. Claudius smiles.

"Oh well folks. Guess we'll just have to keep on guessing. Cami, you're an averagely attractive girl."

"Uh, thanks?" I say skeptically. He laughs.

"It was a compliment. Anyway, any guys back home sweet on you?" Oh no. the question I've been dreading. I have no idea what to say, so, naturally, I go on autopilot of sarcasm.

"Please, you really think someone like this could attract anyone at all?" I say breezily. The crowd loves this and I distinctly hear someone shout "I would think so!"

"Come now, don't be shy. Let's be honest here." I glance towards the door to backstage.

"Well, I guess you could say there are some fairly attractive guys here. Nothing compared to home of course." As the crowd gasps, I rescue it.

"Kidding, kidding. But seriously, I mean, they're pretty decent." Good save, I say to myself. That could've been ugly. Claudius nods knowingly.

"Speaking of home, how's your family like? Any siblings?" He prods me. I gulp, my breath stuck in my throat. Home. Mom. Dad. Fraze. I can't say anything. God, I miss them so much. But the whole world's watching and I have to answer.

"Oh, yeah, a brother, Fraze. And parents, I got them too. They can be so annoying." I wave to the camera. "Love you guys!" I call out sweetly. Everyone laughs. I hope that they weren't actually offended by that, but if they know me well enough, and they do, they know I don't.

"And how old is Fraze? Is he available in the reaping?"  
"No. He's nineteen."

"Oh, so a good many years older than you are, young lady."

"Hey! I'm only fifteen," I protest.

"Oh, well, you look younger. And being the young girl you are is your favorite color pink?" He asks, glancing significantly at my dress. I look down as well.

"Oh, yeah, totally. I mean, can't you tell?" I'd hoped the crowd would love my sarcastic attitude and I was right; they were eating it up.

"Extremely. And what did your brother tell you when you were reaped?" No. Not this. I can't tell anyone what he really told me. I can't. I'll just tell them some of it.

"He wrote me a song."

"But how did he write you a song that fast?" Claudius inquires. I lean my head back. _Don't cry, don't cry. You can do this._

"He had initially written it for my birthday, but since…this-" I gesture around "he had to give it to me then."

"So he's an aspiring musician? Wonderful! And what were some of the lyrics?" I debate about telling, but since I had got him into it, I had to pull myself out.

"It's called You were always there" I start to sing softly but clearly.

"I had always seen you there, I had always known

Had always known you'd go away, seeing you had grown

But that hadn't made it any less painful

Watching you go out into the cold

For all the time I saw you, I never could have said

All those little thoughts and prayers going on in my head

Because in them, in scripted, was my very soul

But even with all them, my heart was never too full

Cause you were always…there" I hadn't realized my voice had gotten louder until the end. I looked out to the crowd to see them cheering, some even crying, while Claudius pretended to wipe a tear away from his eye.

"That was so beautiful. I think we had a promising singer, don't we folks?" He shouts. The array of people responded enthusiastically. I breathed in and out deeply, so close to crying. _I have to get out of here, now. Before they see how weak I am. _

The timer buzzes. I sigh, relieved. Claudius stands up and I follow suit.

"Thank you for sharing that touching song with us, Cami. We're sure to remember it. As always, best of luck to you."

"Thanks so much."

"Cami Heyday, everyone." He yells. I smile at the crowd, then turn and walk offstage, thinking how much that song Fraze wrote had in touch with how I was feeling right then. About Zane.


	5. Love Unveiled

I watch Z make his way onstage. I'm still shaking from my own interview and take some deep breaths to steady myself.  
_ They liked you. They really did. That will help you. They liked you._ I repeat that over and over until I'm breathing normally once more. I hear Claudius welcome Z as the crowd goes wild and I turn my attention to them.  
"So, Zane. You are a very, uh, _intimidating _young man, are you not?" Claudius says. Z just nods.  
"One could say that."  
"Well, I just did." The crowd laughs. "So how do you feel about your chances of winning? Good? Confident?" Claudius prods him. Zane sighs.  
"Yeah, I mean, I think I have a pretty good chance. Better than some of the others I've seen, by far." Claudius nods knowingly.

"Yes, I can see why you would say that. Now, were your parents present at the reaping? As I recall, there was no one who really seemed that, uh, upset. I'm sure you are an absolutely _delightful _person, but still."

"Well, thanks Claudius. That makes me feel loved." The mass of people snicker. I feel kind of bad for Z, but he's tough. It won't hurt him that much.

"No but seriously. My parents stopped coming to the reaping since…" He pauses and it hits me. _Since Verdie._ Since they lost her.

"Since…?" Claudius coaxes him.

"Since my little sister died." The crowd mummers in sympathy, even though I bet they don't really care, it's just added drama.

"I'm sorry to hear that. How did it happen?"

"I don't feel like talking about." He says shortly. Claudius looks disappointed.

"Are you sure? We'd all love to hear it." Z shakes his head and his mouth turns into a stubborn line.

"Well, alright. Not to make you feel worse, but you haven't been one of the most well-known tributes so far."

"Gee, thanks," Z says sarcastically. Everyone chuckles.

"Now, now, I didn't mean it as a bad thing. You could still turn it around. Were you popular at home?"

"No, not particularly," Z replies in a bored tone.

"Do you think that will help you much in the Games? I mean, have you made any friends or allies so far?"

"Yes, I actually have made a pretty good friend." Claudius raises his eyebrows.

"Oh, and who is that?" Z looks offstage for a moment at me and I can tell what he's about to say. _No Z, don't say me. Don't do it. They'll target us. Don't do it. It will be our undoing._

"The lovely Miss Camisa Heyday from District 6." The crowd makes confused murmurings to each other, wondering how people from other districts-besides the Careers of course-could be allies so early on.

"Camisa? Oh, yes, I remember her. The songbird." I smile slightly, amused by how Claudius remembers me. "You two are friends?" He sounds genuinely confused. Z gives a soft laugh.

"Well, she is very easy to get tangled up in. I find it hard to stay away from her." Wait, what? Why is he being so…so honest in his feelings for me? Is it a strategy? Yes, yes it must be. People will absolutely love the romance of two different districts. It's a ploy. He doesn't mean it.

But even as I tell myself these things, there's a little place insides me that hopes I'm wrong, that hopes he feels the same way about me as I do him.

That hopes he loves me.

"So you two have a connection? Hmm, a romance never meant to be. How about that, folks?" Claudius shouts to the crowd. They all cheer. Z smiles slightly.

"Well, I wouldn't go that far. It's not really a romance." He explains. My heart drops. I was right. He didn't love me. He just wanted to show that he had a friend from another district. That he was a cool guy who could make friends easily. I was so stupid to think he even loved me. I had let my guard down and let him in. I had fallen way too easily. He tried to get in, and I let him. I needed to put my crumbling walls back up, put locks and chains on my heart once again. I couldn't let him get that close again.

"But you seemed so sure you had more than friendship feelings for her," Claudius says. Z shakes his head.

"I wasn't done. It's not really a romance. It's more of a burning love, a want, a need. It's more that without her in my life, I wouldn't have anything to live for. Its' more how much I need her, like she's the very air I breathe, the very thing I need to survive. It's a jumble of love and passion. That she's all I have left anymore. And even though I had only just met her, it was that love at first sight feeling, where you don't care that you're falling, don't care you're about to hit the ground, that as long as you're with them, it's all that matters. It's not that I want her-I need her, I need everything about her, or I won't make it. That she's worth everything and all she needs to do is save me." The crowd is drinking this in; they all are loving this confession of love.

Me, I just stand there, paralyzed of what he had just said. I mean that much to him? I'm what he needs to keep living? Is that what he means? Does he…love me?

The screen is portraying my face to the crowd. I look confused, embarrassed, and happy all at the same time. Everyone is cheering and demanding for me to be brought onstage for my reaction.

"I'm sorry folks, but Camisa has already had her three minutes." He shrugs, than turns back to Z.

"That was quite a confession of love, my young man. Very deep indeed. Do you suspect she feels the same way about you?" Yes! I wanted to yell. Yes! I do. But my mouth wouldn't move. Z looks out to the crowd.

"I don't know if she does, but even if she doesn't, that won't make me stop caring about her." Everyone awws.

"That's mighty sweet of you, Zane. I'm sure that I'm not the only one who will be waiting to see what happens next, and not the first to tell you good luck."

"Thanks Claudius."

"Zane Kilns everyone!" Claudius announces. Z gives a nod to the crowd then walks offstage. He makes his way towards me but Thane intercepts me and steers me away.

"We need to talk," He whispers. I roll my eyes.

"About what?" I ask, even though I know full well what we need to discuss. He shoves me towards the elevator and up we go to our quarters. Micah and Faro are waiting for us. They don't look pleased.

"Well Camisa, you should be very pleased with yourself," Micah says. She's glaring t me and I stare defiantly back.

"I should? For what?"

"Oh, you know. Did you ask him to make such a confession? There's no telling what the Gamemakers-not to mention the other tributes-will do with that information."

"Look, I didn't make him do anything. He did that of his own accord," I reply.

"But I bet you loved it, didn't you?" Thane says scathingly. I turn my glare on him.

"It's probably one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me that no one will ever even come close to saying it to you." He flushes deep crimson.

"You two should not be fighting. Now, Camisa, first thing tomorrow I want you to break whatever 'it' is off with Zane okay? It's unseemly." She adjusts her green hair. I'm so mad, I almost spit my words out at her.

"It's unseemly? I'm unseemly? You have got to be kidding me. Have you looked in a mirror lately? That's rich, coming from you." Her mouth hangs open, astounded that I would dare to speak to her like that. Thane seems surprised and mad as well, but Faro just looks amused.

"I think we all just need to calm down and have some tea."

"I don't want any tea, thanks1" I exclaim and rush out of the room towards my own. I hear footsteps coming after me so when I get to my bedroom I lock the door. They pound on the door but I ignore them and throw myself on my bed.

So many emotions are gravitating through me. Anger, sadness, confusion, happiness, _love_...Wait. Is it love? Is that what I'm feeling? Is love that feeling where you feel happy all the time and you can't stop thinking about it? Where you trust that person with everything?

Exhausted from the day's encounters, I fall asleep still in my interview clothes.

_I'm running. Running faster than I ever had before. I don't know what's chasing me, but it's not good. It wants to kill me. I won't let it._

_Trees pop in front of me and I dodge them. The trees vanish and suddenly I'm dodging people. Old friends, people I've met only once or twice, just people I've seen around. There's Micah, Evyn, Bridge, Faro, strangers…_

_Thane stops me. I skid to avoid him and end up tumbling to the ground. He helps me up but I shake him off. _

"_Thane, we have to get out of here. Something's after us." He just shakes his head._

"_Don't worry. I've got it." He takes out a branch that transforms into an axe before my eyes. Thane closes one eye as to find his target easier, and then throws it. I hear a howl of pain and know he's hit it._

"_Thanks Thane. I wonder what it is?" He just smiles. I see a shadow make its way from the trees, the outline of an axe deep in its chest. When it comes into the light, I see it's a little girl with blond hair and emerald green eyes. She moans and walks closer to us. I stagger backwards into Thane, who turns into Z. his hand reaches towards her, outstretched._

"_Verdie," He whispers. He turns to me._

"_What did you do?" He screams at me. I back up._

"_But I…I didn't. It…it wasn't me!" I try to explain but he's ignoring me. I run towards Verdie, as to help her, but she falls before I can reach her. I kneel before her and pull the axe out. I move her hair off of her face, but it turns to Z's face. I recoil from his side._

"_Z," I say softly. He's groaning and rolling back and forth._

"_Z, I…I don't know what to do. What can I do? Z, answer me!" His eyes find mine._

"_Camisa…I don't love you. You caused this. No one will ever love you, especially me." _

_Tears are streaming down my face. I feel broken, used, dead._

"_No, Z! Please!" The blood is pouring from his chest and as I try to wipe it away, it just embeds itself deeper into my hands._

"Zane!" I shout, gasping, sitting up in bed. My heart is racing; I feel an inch from death. I look down at myself-no blood, not scrapes, still in my interview dress.

"Yes Cami?" I whirl to see Z sitting in a chair next to my desk.

"Z?" I say tentatively. He nods and comes to sit on my bed. I pull him into a hug. He looks mildly surprised but doesn't pull away as I clutch to him.

"Oh, Z, it was awful. I killed you, but you were Verdie but it was really Thane and-" He places a finger to my lips.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you." I sigh, relieved.

"Z, did you really mean what you said? During the interview?" He takes my chin in his hand and turns my face towards his. I look deep into his eyes.

"Every bit of it." I curl close to him and we lie on my bed, his arms around me.

"Thanks," I say drowsily, already half-asleep. I hear him give a soft chuckle. Then, he says it so quietly, I'm not sure if it was even real,

"Save me Cami."


	6. Lights

I wake the next morning cold, alone, strangely comforted though and wondering if what I thought happened last might really did happen. I remember it being dark, but having the greatest light next to me, shining brightly. His arms were so warm…I look over to the window and see it closed tight. As much as I don't want to, I force myself out of my bed, though it's not as comforting without him and try the door. It's locked.

So either he came in some other way or he locked the room up when he left.

I shiver happily, as the night comes back to me. Micah and Thane yelling at me, me running to my room, me having that awful dream and Z coming to save me like a real hero. It makes me feel so warm inside that someone actually cared that much about me they defied all the rules.

_But you slept together. He was in your freaking bed. And you think it's all warm and fuzzy? What if someone finds out?_

I shake those thoughts off, knowing as much as I love Z doing that for me; I can take care of myself. I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm tough, I'm strong; I can handle whatever they'll throw at me.

And yet…today's the day. The day that will change everything, the day that I might not survive. Possibly my last day ever.

I set my mouth and go to take a shower. They have a variety of buttons to assist you in the easiest tasks, like one is too lazy to turn the actual shower on. Instead, its motion censored. I mean, do these people even know how to work anything at all? Although I do appreciate how a fan-like thing blows through my hair, drying it immediately and leaving it tangle-free.

If one is from District 6 and they don't even know how some of this stuff works, then you know it's pretty good.

I think about how in a few hours, I won't have the luxury of a shower anymore. I might not even have the luxury of water anymore. I start to hyperventilate.

_Deep breathes, deep breathes. Breathe, just breathe. Think about something, anything else._

But I can't.

I go back to my room, clothed in a warm towel and glance at the clock. It's 5am. Great. I can't believe the way I acted last night. That was the final time I was going to see Micah and Faro, and I blew it. They're going to get me killed in the Games, I know it. At the same time, no matter how much I didn't like them, they did try to help me, and I spit it back in their faces, running away.

I'm an awful person.

I wait for a few, curled in a little ball on my bed, staring into space. I think about home and friends, about my new sights I've seen before I die, about the mistakes I've made, about Z. He consumes most of my thoughts, everything reverting back to him. And the constant fear that today's the day. Although, I do feel a little bad about how I treated Thane. He's probably going to die with those mean words I said set firmly in his heart. Knowing they're true.

Yet at the same time I can't regret what I said.

A tentative knock at the door reaches me. I debate about letting someone in, but decide in the end it's better to leave people with a good picture of you in their minds.

"C'mon in," I say, turning my position so I can see them. I try to make my voice sound carefree and casual, act like I'm calm. Faro enters, his hair in a perfectly made ponytail, considering it's almost seven in the morning.

Care for some tea?" He asks, holding out a tray with a pot and two cups of steaming tea. I smile slightly and nod. He hands me a cup and sets the tray down before taking his own steaming mug and sitting next to me.

"Faro, I'm…well maybe not exactly sorry for how I spoke to you guys last night, but I defiantly am feeling a little guilt." I just can't make myself apologize, no matter what they may think. Although I'm probably not going to see them again…To my surprise, Faro smiles widely and pats my knee.

"I understand your hatred much more than you think I do. Do you not remember that I was once in your same position, with that same sense of hopelessness and defiance? I have walked in your shoes, Camisa Heyday and I survived by being my own friend, my own enemy, my own ally. I survived by turning my own self against and with me. That's what you have to do. You are your own worst enemy, but you are also your greatest asset. There's no one you need now but yourself." Okay, I'll keep that in mind when I'm about to die. I feel something rise in my throat and take a deep breath. Fear courses through me, but I steady myself.

"So is that my only advice Faro?" I ask, trying to lighten the situation that just presented itself. He merely smiles and takes a sip of tea. I follow suit.

"That is the only thing that matters. You know the rest. Find high ground, near water, know how to find food. But those won't mean anything if you don't know how to control you in the arena. People change in there, Cami. And if you come out different then when you started, you're damaged, perhaps beyond repair. You'll be gone. You will still be there, just not _you._" He points to my heart. "Understand?"

I think so, but don't dare voice and just nod. He stands up and puts is empty cup back on the tray. I'm starting to notice little things like that. How he delicately sets the cups and mugs down, how he has a slight limp when he walks, the feel of velvet under my fingertips, the clean, fresh air. Because before you know it, it'll be gone.

"Micah will be in to see you shortly. Since last night we were all a little distraught, she felt she needed to see you early before you go." I nod absently. He turns to go but I stop him.

"Wait, Faro. Are you telling Thane any of this?" He looks back at me.

"A version of it," He says, and then quickly crosses the room, hugs me, and leaves. Before he closes the door he whispers

"Remember," Then shuts the door and I'm alone again.

But not for long.

Micah comes in, her hair slightly messy and in some sort of bright pink tunic. I get up to greet her, as she leans against the desk.

"I'm sorry things got out of hand yesterday, but since I won't see you, well, probably ever again, I thought we should straighten out a few things," She says sweetly. I stand up taller.

"I agree. I didn't mean what I said, but I still wish you hadn't done what you did." Okay, for apologies, it's the closest I could get to for her. She grins all the same.

"I'm glad you feel this way. You have been, maybe not the best tribute I've ever had, but certainly a delight. And a break from all those sniveling kids who come here absolutely hollow. You have a fire to you that made you quite popular. I've been one of the talks of the escort halls!" She beams, like it's an accomplishment or something. I take in how her eyes sparkle when she smiles manically.

"I'll be holding things from this end; just don't express too much generosity." She adds.

"Of course not. Thank you," I reply. She bounds up to me, kisses me quickly on the cheek, then goes on her way out of the room, humming happily. I shake my head, a little worried about the sudden abruptness, but just shrugging it off.

My stylist, Orsic came in soon after. He was going with me until the end, I'm told. Thankfully, he's one of the more normal stylists. I mean he still has purple hair and wears those weird clothes, but the rest of his face is very subtle. No vibrant shades, no sparkles. Natural.

"Hello Camisa." He absolutely refuses to call me Cami, saying my name's beautiful. After a few minutes of arguing, I gave up seeing we were going nowhere, and accepted it. Besides, it's kind of a difference to be called Camisa, since I normally insist upon Cami. I'll have to remember it when I'm-

_Don't. don't think about it. _

"Hey Orsic, what's up?" I do my best to sound like everything's under control. He looks a little surprised, but smiles anyway.

"I'm here to help you get ready," He replies, then gestures for me to dress. I sigh, but pull on something simple cause I know I'll change later. He escorts me too the roof and then things just happen in a blur. It's like people say how your wedding day goes; it'll go so very fast.

Too bad I'll never live to see mine.

Before I know it, I'm in a catacomb under the arena, getting dressed in my outfit. Brown pants, a dark green shirt, a black jacket. Simple, no fuss.

The easier to see the dramatics of blood and violence I suppose.

"Are you comfortable?" Orsic asks. I move around a little.

"Yep. It's just my size." He smiles.

"But of course."

We don't say anything, just sit there until it's announced that it's time to go. I take deep breaths, in and out, in and out. This is it. I get up slowly, feel cold hard fear and terror ensnaring me for the first time.

This is it. This is it. I'm so close now; it could all be over in an instant.

The only comfort I have is that Z will be there and he'll help me. We're in this together, till death do us part. Literally. I go and stand on the platform and wave to Orsic. He suddenly runs up and hugs me.

"Goodbye Camisa, I'll be hoping you'll win this one!" He exclaims. I am startled at first but hug him back. It's a little comforting, I admit.

"You were enjoyable to work with, even if you were a little spitfire at times, but I enjoyed it all the same. And if Emrich and Clo were here, I'm sure they'd feel the same." Emrich and Clo. My other stylists.

"I'll miss you too, Orsic. But do me one favor. Call me Cami, once. Please." He looks amazed for a moment, then laughs.

"Good luck, Cami," He says then backs up when the glass surrounds me. We wave, then I'm lifted up into a bright light that reminds me of the light Z shone for me.


	7. The Games

I blink my eyes, momentarily blinded by the shining sun. I look about to see all the other tributes standing on the metal discs set deep into the hard ground. The earth below me is just dirt and rocks, barren and hard. The Cornucopia is a few hundred feet away. Next to it is a forest. I'm not sure how big the forest is or for how long it goes, but I think it's the best bet for safety. Besides the trees, there's really nothing else around.

Craning my neck, I think I see a river running beyond the Cornucopia but I'm not positive. I hear the seconds counting down and look over for Zane. He's five discs away from me, to my right. Thane is two discs beyond him and I see him eye us with hatred. I take a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for what is to come.

_Okay, you're going to run over to Z and hopefully not get killed on the way. Once you get to him, go straight into the forest. That's your game plan. And repeat._

But even as I repeat it to myself over and over, I still feel the fear snaking its way from the pit of my stomach throughout my body. I could die before I even get to Zane. I could die any second, by anyone, and I can't do anything about it. I look down to see my hand trembling but when I look at Zane my fears subside a little. At least I have one friend in this wretched place.

"5…4…3…2…1!" I bound off my disc, seeing everyone else start to run too. _What was my plan? What was it?_

Despite the fact that I had planned out what I was going to do, fear had clouded my brain. I jog in place, knowing I had to move quickly or I would surely die by someone's hand. But everyone seems to be aiming for the Cornucopia.

Someone grabs me around the waist and I scream, shoving my elbow backwards.

"It's just me, it's me," Z whispers as he lets me go. I take a minute to steady my still-beating-very-very-fast heart.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I say. I see him rub his side ruefully. Here we were, as close to death as one could get and where you need to be in tip-top shape and I just hurt him.

"Do we have a plan?" Z asks. I stop for a moment.

"Plan, plan, yes. There's always a plan. Um…" What was it, what was it? I glance over to see someone bearing down on us and beyond him the trees.

The trees.

"That's it!" I cry, completely forgetting the fact that someone is headed for us, prepared to kill. Before Z can ask me, the tribute-I think from 1- throws a knife at us as he comes closer and closer. I duck, my arms thrown over my head as it whizzes past. Z grabs my hand and pulls me along. We start away, heading for the forest. The guy however runs towards us. It looks like he is aiming for me but Z shoves me out of the way. I land hard on the ground, catching myself with my hands.

"Zane!" I scream, oblivious to everyone else around me and their probable deaths. He and 1 are stuck on the ground, in a battle of what the Hunger Games is all about. I feel helpless, but I don't know what to do. 1 is suffocating Z, his hands closing around Z's throat. He's using all his power in his right hand since his left is pinned under 1's leg. I want to help. Losing Z this early on is an absolute no. So I make an executive decision, with little thought of my own life.

I jump forward my hands in front of me, getting 1 off of Z. Z's eyes widen and he gulps in air like a fish. 1 and I roll over a few times, spitting and clawing like animals before we stop and he's on top, straddling me.

"So you're the songbird," he says menacingly. I glare up at him.

"That's right. And you're…what?" He smiles sickeningly. He takes a fallen spear close to us and wipes the gore from it on his jacket.

"I'm Aschim Lust darling." I roll my eyes, still struggling to get him off of me. But he's like 150 pounds. It's impossible for him to budge.

"No way. _The _Aschim Lust?" When I'm in dire situations, I usually go on smart-aleck autopilot. I hear a canon boom, then another and look around to make sure Z didn't get killed while I was under attack. He's still lying on the ground, but seems to be getting his strength back.

"The one and only darling. Now, want to say anything about me before you're gone from this world forever?" He shakes back his white-blond hair and grins at me.

"Yeah. You're a conceited pig." He frowns and his eyes narrow as he punches the side of my head. My head whips to the side but I bring it back and spit in his face. I've never met a more self-centered boy than Aschim Lust sand I hope I never will.

"If that's how you want it darling."

"Get off of her!" Z shouts and pushes Aschim off me. The spear scratches my arm as he tumbles off of me. He rolls then comes up in a squat.

"You shouldn't have done that." He's glaring at us as Z gets in front of me. I look down for a moment to see the blood trickle down my arm. I ignore the small feeling of pain though. We aren't out of this yet.

"Whatever," I say then grab Z's hand and we race towards the forest. A spear whistles past us and lodges itself in a tree near us. I look back for a moment to see Aschim staring after us before he turns and goes off towards another young kid, I think from 10, who looks about thirteen. I stumble over something and see it's a container of some sort and a flashlight, connected by a wire. Not sure what's in the container, I scope it up anyway in the hand that isn't held by Z.

We keep running and running until I feel like we've gone far enough and aren't being followed. I slow, then stop, a stitch in my side.

"What are you doing? We need to keep going," Z says urgently. I hold up one finger.

"Hang on, hang on. I want to see what's in this thing." I shake the container. "Besides, I think we're beyond catching-at least for a little while." He stares at me, sighs, then sits on the ground. I open the container to find water sloshing inside.

"Cool! We have water! That's number one on our list." Z leans against a tree, his legs spread out before him.

"Can I have some then?" I hand it over.

"Take small sips. It's not a whole lot and we have to save it," I instruct. He smiles wanly.

"Of course Madame." He lifts it to his lips and takes a gulp. The way he's sitting, with the sunlight filtering through the trees and hitting his dark hair, creating blond streaks, I can't stop looking at him.

"What's wrong?" He looks down at himself. "Am I missing a belt or something? I can't manage to laugh but give him a small smile.

"No, no, I's just…thanks. For back there. When you…you pushed me out of the way." I can't seem to look at him so I survey around us.

"No problem. I mean, you did the same for me. So now we're even." I hear the smile in his voice. "Cami, your arm!" I look down to see the red blood still leaking down to my wrist.

"Oh, that," I mumble. "It was the spear when he rolled off me. It's no big deal, really." Paying me no attention, Z rips part of his shirtsleeve and ties it around the large cut. It was then that I notice the dark bruises already starting to form on his collarbone.

"Z! You're hurt too! And don't say they're fine, cause I know they're not," I finish hastily before he can say anything.

"But really, they are fine." I see his hands are stained with my blood.

"Uh huh, no. They look painful."

"Cami, stop worrying about me. I can take care of myself, remember?" He winks at me. I'm not amused. Only now it dawns on me that he sacrificed himself for me, that he could've died. He pushed me out of the way and threw himself into Aschim's oncoming path. What was he thinking?

"He could've killed you! And you seem perfectly fine with that!" Z stares at me out of those dark, dark, eyes. One might say they're bottomless, with no ending. And they'd be right. But that doesn't make them any less meaningful.

"Better me than you. I want you to make it out alive, Cami. I want you to win. More than I want myself to survive. And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you'll at least outlive me."

"Z, what are you-" But he leans forward and cuts me off with his lips.


	8. Dead Already

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long. Thanks to ForestFireSong to helping me immensely with this and giving me inspiration to write again. By the way, in the story, it's been one day since the last chapter. But here we are the 8****th**** chapter in their love story.**

I wake up to water dripping down on me. It's leaking from the cave ceiling, forming puddles around us. Z's arms are around me, warming me from the bitter chill that the air now possesses.

Looking around, I notice the entrance looks disturbed a little. We had piled a few rocks in front of it and they seem to be in a different position then where I remembered.

_That's not good._

I elbow Z gently. Maybe he moved them. I turn my head to look at him and my breath catches. He looks so…so peaceful, sleeping. So calm. He doesn't look like the strong, intimidating man that one always sees. For a moment, he looks young again. Innocent. Pure.

The slats of sunlight reflect on his dark hair as he stirs in his sleep. I smile at his innocence-supposedly-and elbow him again. He opens one eye sleepily, but even then they are alert…and breathtaking.

"You better have a good reason for waking me up," he says tiredly. I roll my eyes and turn around so I'm facing him. My hands come to rest on his chest and for a second, I feel like we're not in the arena. Not in the games.

We're out living in the wilderness together. Away from the people who try to control us, away from those who want to see us fall.

"Don't worry, I do. It's not like we could die anytime now." He pulls me closer and I'm a bit startled. I mean sure, we've 'slept' together, but these signs of affection are a little new to me.

"Aren't you just a bundle of sunshine in the morning?" He murmurs. I simply smile and I nod my head. He's so comforting. In a weird, sarcastic way but then I guess so am I.

" Oh, you haven't seen anything yet," I warn him. He gives me a small smile and opens both of his eyes fully. How he could sleep so deeply is beyond me.

"You want to show me then?" he asks, becoming more and more awake as the sun shines brighter through the stones cracks.

"I'm good. But Zane, did you move the rocks last night? They look…different, I guess. Like positions, I mean." He stares at them, his brow furrowed as if trying to remember.

"No…no I don't think I did anything to them. But remember Cami, we are in a forest. In nature. These things happen." I raise my eyebrows.

"Yeah, I'm sure it's just a coincidence that they look different, that it has to absolutely not be the Game makers doing, that someone could just be-"

He cuts me off as his lips press against mine. Since we've only kissed once before, in the sunlight shining through the trees, it's a little sudden. But I lean into it anyhow, his breath warm on my face. He pulls away just as I'm letting the sparks skip across my eyes. We stare at each other for a moment, trying to see into each other.

"Cami, you worry too much. You're taking this too seriously." The moment is broken as I stare at him, outraged that he's taking this so lightly. I have about ten (or a hundred) reasons why we should be scared, should be cautious, should be more careful and worried about everything. His stare is hard until I can see the corners of his mouth curving. Finally, he can't take it anymore and burst out laughing. He's still holding me so I move along with him. I shove his arms away.

"What's your problem?"

"You should've seen your face! Oh my gosh, it looked like you were going to kill me!" He's still laughing. I glare at him and get up, moving to the other side of our six-foot cave.

"If all we had wasn't each other, then I would." I roll my eyes and open the backpack I had gotten the previous day. I pull it on and stand up. He definitely is paying attention to me now.

"Wait, where are you going?" He sits up more, shaking the dark, dark hair from his equally dark eyes and stares at me confused.

"Oh, I'm going to go see if we can get some breakfast," I tell him lightly. "It's the _Hunger _games, remember? We can't go hungry on the first day."

"I suppose so. I'm coming with you." He gets up, brushing the dirt from his pants and comes to stand beside me. I smile up at him sweetly, still not believing in the middle of all this chaos, we found love and safety in each other.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He just smirks a little and starts towards the entrance.

"Me first." I shrug, not really caring and not letting the feminist side of me come up. True I am a little nervous about going outside the protection of our cave. Outside it is the other tributes, the GameMakers, nature's thorns. We're as good as dead if we go outside.

And yet, if we stayed inside. We'd probably starve. Got to get out sometimes, right?

He pokes his head outside and looks to both sides a few times before deeming it safe enough that I can come outside.

It's sunny, with a blue sky and perfect temperature. All in all, it'd be a good day if we weren't in the Games and fighting for our lives. It's pretty nice.

It's a lie.

They're deceiving us, giving us a false sense of security that we really don't need right now. We can do without it, thank you.

False sense of security aside though, it feels quite nice to take a stroll with Zane as we search for "breakfast"- some poor unfortunate furry animal, probably. I think I would actually prefer this to some of the dates the girls back in my district would squeal about-if you took away the fact that we were in the Hunger Games, of course. That my impending doom could come from any rock or tree dampens the mood.

"So…breakfast." I say, looking to Zane. Earlier we had done a check of our inventory, and sadly, all we had was the water container and flashlight between the two of us. That's what happens when you ignore the Cornucopia and head to find each other, and though this situation is preferable to either of us being killed for a knife or a packet of crackers or something, this does complicate hunting live things a bit.

Hindsight is 20/20, so they say.

Then again, there's always eating the plants, assuming they're not poisonous. I remember how Zane did incredibly at that section during training, and by glancing over at him, I can see that was just what he was thinking of.

"Let's see if we can find anything plant-like to eat." He tells me.

"Okay…see anything good around here?" I glance around at our settings. A more thickly wooded area is up ahead. The area near our cave is the walls of rock in which it is in- too steep to scale- piles of boulders, small trees and more plants on the ground. The sky is open above our head. Which would be better? I leave that up to Zane.

"I can't tell right away," he tells me. "It's an art…a delicate process. Let me examine what we have." I roll my eyes but don't say anything, as to make up for my initial grumpiness.

And I have to admit, I kind of love this joking side of Zane. He projects a darker, brooding image to the outer world but uses a balance of that with me.

Also, with me having an injured arm and Zane being wounded on his collarbone, picking plants sounds lovely compared to chasing squirrels.

"I'll stand watch while your delicate process continues," I remark to Zane.

"Well, we can't go hungry," he responds, but smiles a little bit and continues on.

Meanwhile, I just stand there. The stillness of the air all around me leads my mind to think that maybe I'll be able to detect the air shift, like a person approaching. It's a little unnerving, standing out in the open. One the one hand, I'd be able to see if someone was coming from far away, but if they have a long-range weapon, they could kill me and Zane from a distance. And neither of us are armed, so if we had one-on-one combat against an armed opponent, the outcome wouldn't be good.

I'm so caught in worrying about all of this that it takes me a few seconds to realize Zane is tapping my shoulder. "Cami?"

"Yeah?" I reply, concealing my embarrassment.

"I haven't found anything here, so I think we should head into the woods," he says. I look at him a little skeptically.

"Do you think it's a good idea to go there? Shouldn't we stay close to the cave?" I don't want to take any risks, at all. "Couldn't we go hungry for just another day?"  
And it's awful, but what I'm thinking is, _until more people have killed each other off. _Last night I had tried not to hear the cannon booms, and had certainly not looked out of the cave to see the faces appear in the sky. I'm not sure what I'll do tonight.

"No, it'll be fine. I'll protect you, Cami." Zane tells me. Actually, that's exactly what I'm worried about. He shouldn't be risking his life for me.

"If you say so," I concede. To be honest, it's gotten hard to keep my mind off of the luxurious Capitol meals we had. I'd probably be able to last another day, but I did say I didn't want to risk it.

So the two of us head off into the woods. If there were less people in the game, maybe, we would've talked and teased each other, but neither of us can do that now. There are too many tributes now. Too high a chance of dying. So instead we simply walk, Zane occasionally picking some plant while I "keep watch" and continually fret.

Just when I think I've defeated it for good, it slowly creeps back. Unnoticeable. Careful. Inconspicuous.

The fear, I mean.

I become slightly worried about our distance from the cave and turn to Zane. I'm sure that we have enough plants now to survive on, plus the water inside the cave. Maybe we can just hole up there…and wait.

He looks up at me. "Want to head back?" he says, like he can read my mind. Or maybe I'm just really obvious.

"That'd be nice," I admit. "Do you have a lot of hopefully non-toxic plants?"

"Yeah." Zane shakes his handful. "They're growing pretty well around here, although I've seen some animals. Thankfully they haven't all been eaten. Because of that, I can tell that there's a water source around here…"

I listen to him, but something alerts my sense. "A water source?"

As soon as I speak that sentence, everything spirals out of control. Not because of that sentence, of course, but our talking could have set off the chain of events that happened next.

Just as the words leave my mouth, an arrow whizzes by, literally right by my nose. Instinct throws my hands in front of me and my feet stumbling backwards. "Zane-?" I manage to choke out.

I turn to see where the arrow was coming from when suddenly I go sprawling into the underbrush. I'm not sure who pushed me- are we surrounded by attackers? - when I realize it's only Zane.

"What was that for?" I hiss. Everything is happening in slow motion but also sped up into a bright blur where I can only focus on one thing at a time.

"Just get out of here!" he exclaims. I look up and see more arrows flying by, and then notice the splotch of bright red running down Zane's shoulder. In a trembling hand he grips a bloody arrow.

It leaks down, staining the grass with bright crimson. I'm aware it has also splashed on me and is still warm.

My mind doesn't know what to do in the face of danger. I'd like to think that we have a plan, but we don't. Did we not anticipate this?

Then I look up at Zane's face. He looks as confused as me, but he's trying to do something about it. So I should too.

The problem is, the way to the cave requires going through the area where arrows are being fired. I'm not sure why our opponent doesn't approach us- he's probably only armed with arrows, and can't face us in hand-to-hand combat, probably. Hopefully he'll run out of arrows and we won't die first, and he'll be too cowardly to chase after us as we go to the cave. That's the best chance we have.

It's the only chance.

I force myself to stand up. "You know, Zane, pushing me down wasn't a good idea." I flash a smile, trying to be upbeat, trying not to show how much this is scaring me, how much it's traumatizing me. "Let's not do that again." And then I drag him out of the underbrush.

Our attacker has wisely not fired, probably waiting for us to come out of hiding (the underbrush was too thick to be fired into). I pray that his aim is off as I take off running across the clearing, making my way out of the woods, and tugging Zane with me in hopes that'll lead him along.

Pray, pray, pray. Hope, hope, hope. Do all you can when you can't do anything.

As I run, I happen to look over my shoulder at our attacker. And my eyes widen when I see who it is. It's Thane.

He's staring at us with a sort of wild look in his eyes. Not crazy, just desperate. He's resigned himself to playing this game, and to playing it alone. He's living, but maybe is already dead inside. I feel like I am too. I feel bad, if not conceited, because I think I've partially caused some of that desperation.

But at the same time I have the human feelings of rage that he's trying to kill us, and fear at the fact that someone is attempting to kill me. All I can do is keep running.

Even _that_ plan gets screwed over, though. As I continue running, I feel something rip through my pants leg and immediate pain seats. Something stings the skin beneath. Well, sting turns to burn, and I can feel the nerves there crying out in pain. My leg gives and, for the second time that day, I fall.

"Cami!" yells Zane. My face is swallowed up by ferns. I raise my head, twisting it around to see what's going on behind me while simultaneously trying to pull the arrow out of my leg. An explosion of pain comes from that, but at least now I'm properly armed.

Blood patterns my hands as I wrench the arrow out but I ignore it. It doesn't smell as one would think. It doesn't smell like iron or anything. It just is like…blood.

"Zane!" I call back. He's too far away from me for us to reach each other. Still, he's reaching out an arm. It's fragmented in my mind, everything in bright, muted colors that flash through my eyes. I can't see Thane anymore. My mind tries to take everything in and formulate a plan to get us out of this mess. But, even as weak-minded as it sounds, I've made more plans today than ever before, and my mind refuses to work.

All I can do is sit up, and then stand on wobbly legs, clutching a bloody arrow in my hand. Red paints the forest plants. It's a dark, ugly color against the lush greenness of the day.

Zane is closer now. I can see arrows sticking out of him (as odd as that sounds), more than I had noticed before. But he's still moving towards me, which gives me hope.

He's still walking, still breathing, still going, still trying.

For me.

_These arrow wounds aren't fatal. We'll escape Thane and get back to the cave, and then I'll take care of them for you. You can't do everything yourself, honestly…look at what a mess this became…_

Then I look towards Thane. I see the arrow nocked in his bow, ready to fly. Then it does.

Before, Thane's archery skills had seemed mediocre to me (not that I could do better). He got a few shots on us, but no great ones. So the next one I could just put down to luck. It soars right towards its target, a nice, clean shot.

That's what goes through my mind until I realize its target is Zane, or, more accurately, Zane's heart.

_No._

I can't think anything else.

That's when I felt pure horror and shock, enough to freeze my body and my mind and my emotions, save for the thoughts of, _He's all right, isn't he? He is, he is, he is…_

But there's no mistaking it: Zane falling backwards, blood spraying everywhere, his own eyes, startled, him writhing in pain, the violence piercing the beautiful, sunny day.

They sky is beautiful but the people are sad.

From that I feel no melancholy sadness. There's no time for that in the heat of the moment. I felt anger. I feel searing grief, nothing in shades of gray and blue but burning, vengeful red. I turn my eyes back to Thane.

And I wasn't screaming before, but what I saw made me start screaming then.

Thane lies on the ground, and that awful, horrible crimson surrounds him, pooling around him from his throat. I'm screaming because I hate the gore and I hate the killing and Zane is dead and Thane is dead and I have absolutely no idea what to do and I'll probably end up like them if I just _don't stop screaming…!_

However, my scream catches in my throat and dies down into a choked whisper when I see the new attacker, quite obviously the girl who killed Thane, coming towards me. She has dark brown hair tumbling down her back, but that's not what concerns me. Her eyes aren't wild in the way Thane's were, but simply crazed, from horror, from confusion, from the desperation in this kill-or-be-killed game.

But most of all, the bloody sickle in her hand draws my attention. And the fact she's so close to me.

Everything doesn't make sense. I'm seeing things fragmented, one thing clear while everything else is blurry. I focus on one thing at a time. But it's not enough.

I look down at the red-stained arrow in my hand, and its sharp tip. The sharp tip that could very well be twisting itself in my own heart. I want to curl up and scream, or cry, or go to Zane, or just find a place to think things straight. But I can't, not now, and instinct takes over. I have to defend myself.

_Is it worth it?_

So when the girls come quite literally flying at me with her sickle, I duck. I knock into her as I go past, and she falls into the ground. I try to run, but even so I know she'll pursue me. I have to fight.

_Is it worth it?_

As expected, she trips me. But then she's upon me with a sickle and panic sets in that she's going to mutilate me. And I'm not half wrong. I roll away as she hacks at my arm, and the same burning sensation rips across my forearm. I hate the sight of the blood.

Blood dripping down. Blood on my clothes. Blood that's not even mine.

Blood is painful and burning and red but at least it's a sign you're alive.

For now.

But that doesn't stop my animal instinct. When the girl is above me, probably not far away from chopping me up, I stab my arrow upwards, into her stomach.

Immediately I feel nauseous. I'm not cut out for fighting, at all. In fact, feeling the girl's blood drip down onto my stomach, I'm fairly sure I'm going to throw up. But I swallow down the terrible taste in my mouth.

It nearly comes up again, though, when the girl's shocked eyes meet mine. I can literally see the whites of her eyes and it's disturbing. I almost scream again but clamp my mouth shut.

She sways (having been on her hands and knees over me) before falling over. She's not dead, I can tell that much, but there's a lot of blood. Not only on her, but everywhere. On the forest floor, the plants, Thane, Zane, and me.

I stare at her, horrified at what I've just done. I could've killed her. _She could've killed me._

I want to stay there. I want to see Zane. But I know that he's gone. I know that I need to leave lest the dark-haired girl regain strength. I know a lot of things, as pure simple facts, but cannot comprehend them.

So I scoop up the bloody arrows from the ground. I'd like to think that they'd come in handy, but actually, I don't want to use them. The sickening feeling in my stomach confirms that I never want to fight again.

And standing in a clearing with two dead bodies and one nearly dead one, blood splashes everywhere, the irony smell in the air, I feel completely lost.

_Where do I go…what do I do…it seems nothing works without you…_

I know I need to clear out soon, but my gaze wanders to Zane's body. Immediately my chest tightens up. I hate how, even in my thoughts, Zane is suddenly "Zane's body". Zane being anything but alive seems incomprehensible to me.

He's gone. He's _gone._

And as many times as I tell myself that, it's still not making any sense.

Still, I can't just leave him behind without anything at all. The girl won't be going anywhere for awhile, and I owe him a lot.

I walk over to Zane's body. Emotion grips me tightly, and even though it's not normally in my nature, I want to wail. I don't, though. I just crouch by him and ignore the blood-stained lower half of his body, instead focusing on his face.

His dark eyes are still open, and that disturbs me but saddens me at the same time. Seeing them without light is unnatural, so I quietly close them.

I glance over at Thane, seeing his body spread eagle and at awkward angles. I feel rage, anger, but it's less than before. He was just doing what he had to to get out alive. I may resent him for it but I would've done the same if it meant Zane and I could have survived.

_Would I really? Could I kill another person?_

When it comes down to it, I know probably not.

I hear a rustling behind me and stiffen. Without checking behind me, I lean over and gently kiss Zane's forehead, and whisper, "Thanks."  
Then I get up and leave the clearing, not looking back at Zane or Thane or the sickle-girl, just ahead, as tears start running down my face.

"Thanks" was all I could think of to whisper to Zane. Thank you for befriending me when we had only met, thank you for sticking by me even though our fates were practically laid out, thank you for comforting me that one night, thank you for loving me, thank you for being you.

_And if I'd had more time, I would've said all that, along with an "I love you,"_

I'm not going to survive without Zane.

As weak and dependent as it sounds, it's true.

I come to this conclusion as I walk along the rocky cliffs, having found an easier way up the rock wall. I'm walking, holding the flashlight and the water canister that I retrieved from the cave, since I can't go back there. It's too close to where it had all happened.

Anyway, the knot of emotions that had built up slowly and gradually since that arrow had flown towards Zane has pretty much burst.

More than anything, I want him. He's dead, but my mind keeps telling me that he's not, and I keep looking over my shoulder or to my side for him, for his constant strong presence, only to find it gone.

And I hadn't known him that long, but I felt like I'd known him forever. It was such a surprising thing to meet him and realize that all those clichés they ever told you about love are true.

It's funny how you meet hundreds of people and see them the same and then you meet one person and your life is changed forever.

I can't describe what he meant to me, nowhere near as eloquently as he did during his interview. How can I say that with him gone, I feel like no matter how long I wander, I'll never find what I'm looking for? How can I say that being killed by the sickle would've hurt less than leaving him behind and coming to the realization that he's gone?

_How can I continue on?_

That's what I've been asking myself, and I discover that I don't know. All I have are some arrows caked with dried blood, some water, and a flashlight. I don't even have the herbs that Zane picked to eat, much less remember what they look like.

And do I want to continue on? Do I want to play this sadistic game of the Capitol's, to amuse them on TV?

I don't. _I don't._ Especially not after they killed Zane.

But then there's the question of my family. What would they say? How are they doing anyway?

I'm wishing I could go back when when everything was easier to figure out. Honestly, I can't win the game. I pride myself on being strong, in will most certainly, and independent, fiery, I guess, but I can't win the game. I couldn't even kill the girl attacking me with a sickle. If I did, I would go insane, and I don't need any more of that.

And that's when I wonder if Zane planned to win the game. Maybe the two of us could do it…_but two's down to one, now._

Maybe he knew that we would die, but was focusing on the precious moments we could spend together before then. Then I remember.

_"Better me than you. I want you to make it out alive, Cami. I want you to win. More than I want myself to survive. And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you'll at least outlive me."_ Zane's words come back to me, words he spoke only yesterday. And that's when it becomes too much. I keel over. The rocky cliffs have turned into lush forest again, and I'm kneeling in ferns very much like the ones Zane pushed me in.

Memories…memories are everywhere. Everything I see reminds me of him. They're just memories…they can't hurt me anymore.

I secretly promised to be there for you everyday forever but you left and this promise screams at me that I have failed you failed us failed me.

_It's too much. It's too much, Zane. Why? I can't win! I can only win with you, and you're not here…I can't do what you want me to…I could never do it. _

Suddenly I hear a noise. My head jerks up. I don't know if it's another human or an animal or the wind or simply my hallucinating mind.

Then I see her. She's right in front of me, a frizzy red-haired girl who is so young-looking I can only imagine that she's twelve. She's staring at me with enormous, terrified eyes. Eyes that aren't crazy, just scared senseless.

I feel tired and defeated and just so sorrowful beyond measure that I wouldn't do anything to this girl, and my eyes probably convey that message. Then I look down at myself, my blood-stained clothes and the maroon tips of the arrows in my hand.

I look crazy. But I don't want to be crazy. I don't want to be the psycho firing at you with arrows, the sociopath charging you with a sickle. If anything, I want to be Cami, sad, battered but still Cami, retaining her sanity to the end.

"Listen," I say. My voice comes out hoarse. I've never felt more defeated in my life, but I continue speaking. "Listen, I'm not going to hurt you."

The girl shakes her head. She doesn't trust me. She's pointing to my left, and I look. There lays a bag- hers, I'm guessing. I didn't even notice it, but I'm obviously cutting her off from her weapon.

"Just…I'm not doing this!" Frustration leaks into my voice. I toss the arrows to the ground. The girl's eyes follow them, wide and astonished. "Please…please, I've had enough. Look."

I look at her pleadingly. "I have no more weapons. Truth be told, I have nothing. It's not a ploy, not a trick. I could've killed you, but I didn't. So please, help me."

For the first time, the girl speaks. "How?" she asks in a whispery voice.

"Well...Is there a weapon in that bag?"

"Yes. There's a knife." The girl looks hesitant, but the fact that she told me at least means that she trusts me. Trust…trust in the arena takes even more to gain then in the real world.

"Then…kill me." I say it bluntly. Almost before I've thought it through.

"What?" The girl looks shocked.

"Kill me." I repeat it. "And make it quick." I say it quickly so that I can't have regrets, even though I don't think I would have any. My body flinches away, thinking of the pain, but I steel myself against it. I can take it.

I don't want to be killed out of malice, dying some awful, horrible death at the hands of some crazed tribute. I don't want to waste away from starvation or dehydration. This may be a coward's way out, but I know I can never go back to my family. If my fate is already set in stone, but not specific, then who says I can't decide how I die?

I wonder about the carefree Camisa from District 6. I know what happened to her, but I wonder what she would think of this Camisa now, choosing to be killed in a game of death after losing someone so important to her. Covered in blood and so beaten down and utterly defeated. She might ask, '_what happened to you?'_

And I could only reply, _'I guess I fell in love.'_

The girl still looks terrified and I feel bad for forcing her to kill me. The whole situation is so morbid, I shouldn't force this young girl into doing something that'll guilt her.

But a 'please' slips through my lips.

The girl looks over at me, and takes a deep breath. She raises the knife. I close my eyes. I don't want my last sights to be of a place that held so many dark things. In a few seconds, I don't want to think of what'll happen to me. So my thoughts go to my family, friends- and Zane.

_I'm sorry. I couldn't do it. I'm not…I wasn't strong enough. _

_There's nothing left to say._

My heavy heart is the only thing holding me down. I have too many thoughts but I try not to think about them. Tears slip down. I wait for the pain, knowing it can't be anything compared to the scars I already carry, the scraps I've already felt.

_Burn your bridges, burn your friends. Blow them kisses, make amends._

_Farwell..._


End file.
